The Quarantine Movie Marathon - Part 3

 [For the previous parts, click below. As mentioned before, spoilers ahead!]

Part 1 | Part 2

Halloween (1978)

G to I

• Gacy (2003) - Not very accurate and the acting is sub-par. [7/10]
• Ghoulies IV (1994) - You can tell this was someone's passion project but my god, I can't give this higher than 3, that'd be illegal. [3/10]
• Ginger Snaps (2000) - Iconic feminist film. [8/10]
• Get Out (2017) - I have nothing to say other than 'masterpiece'. And a debut one at that! [9/10]
• Ghost of Mars (2001) - It's really not hard to see why Carpenter didn't make another film for nine years after this dumpster-fire...[5/10]
• Gnaw (2008) - Not half-bad. The Cottage, which came out the same year, is a better folk horror but that doesn't mean Gnaw isn't watchable. [6/10]
• Halloween (1978) - Carpenter's magnum opus: watch this instead of Ghosts of Mars. [8/10]
• Hannibal (2001) - The only thing that really irks me is how much they changed from the source material; Moore is no Foster but she does a fine job. [7/10]
• Hannibal Rising (2007) - I'd have preferred to see this as a TV series instead of a mediocre film. [6/10]
• Hard Candy (2005) - Ellen Page is a savage and we have no choice but to stan. [8/10]
• Hatchet (2006) - Dumb characters, bad dialogue but it's fun! [6/10]
• Hatchet II (2010) - The kills are more creative, I'll give it that, but it's a less superior film to the first one. [5/10]
• Häxan (1922) - Very early example of docufiction: worth a watch just for the history! [8/10]
• Hellraiser (1987) - JESUS WEPT. [9/10]
• Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992) - Pinhead is given more agency and the soundtrack is full of bops. [7/10]
• Hellraiser IV: Bloodline (1996) - A horror version of The Fountain and-- wait, Adam Scott is in this? [7/10]
• Hellraiser V: Inferno (2000) - Just...why. Y'all should've stopped at four films. [4/10]
• Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) - Wonderfully framed juxtaposition of violence and serenity with well-constructed dialogue. [7/10]
• Hereditary (2018) - Flawless. [9/10]
• Hide and Seek (2005) - I saw the plot twist coming but it still kept me on edge, and I believe that's the sign of a decent psychological horror. [7/10]
• Home Sweet Home (1981) - Too much screaming: hurry up and die already. [3/10]
• Hostel (2005) - There's far less gore than I remember. Maybe my standards are too high nowadays. [7/10]
• Hostel: Part II (2007) - The Bathory scene, man. Can't get better than that. [8/10]
• Hostel: Part III (2011) - Couples who kill together, stay together: how romantic! [7/10]
• House of 1000 Corpses (2003) - The pacing is kinda dodgy but Sid Haig makes the entire film, so we'll let Rob Zombie off the hook for this one. [7/10]
• House of Bones (2010) - This isn't meant to be a comedy but it's certainly fucking laughable. [3/10]
• House on Haunted Hill (1959) - Why are straight people like this? [7/10]
• Ichi the Killer (2001) - Kakihara is an underrated horror movie character and deserves so much more love. [7/10]
• Interview with the Vampire (1994) - Just...just so gay. So very gay. [8/10]
• I Spit on Your Grave (1978) - The original rape-revenge film. [7/10]
• It Comes At Night (2017) - The suspense rivals Hitchcock's work and I really do mean that. [8/10]

Next week: J to O

- K

The Quarantine Movie Marathon - Part 2

 [For part 1, click here. As mentioned in the last post, spoilers ahead!]

Eat and Run (1987)

D to F

• Dawn of the Dead (1978) - I'm pretty sure Savini is the only guy in Hollywood that has touched all corners of directing, acting, stuntsman work and sfx artist work. Anyway, I love that he just fucking pies a zombie and sprays it with seltzer like an leather-clad circus clown. [9/10]
• Day of the Dead (1985) - My favourite zombie movie of all time. [9/10]
• Dead Mary (2007) - The special effects are good but the film itself isn't engaging in the slightest. [5/10]
• Dead Snow (2009) - If Day of the Dead is my favourite, Dead Snow is a close second. [9/10]
• Dead Snow 2 (2014) - Gore effects are even better, the antagonist is more fleshed out (pun intended) and this film really leans into the bizarre and hysterically funny subject matter of the franchise. [8/10]
• Death Becomes Her (1992) - This film turned me gay as a kid. [8/10]
• Deliverance (1972) - Banjos have been ruined for me. [6/10]
• Deliver Us From Evil (2014) - Despite its cliches, the imagery and sfx in this film are actually really fucking good? Surprisingly watchable. [7/10]
• Demon Under Glass (2002) - Why is this b-movie so homoerotic and endearing? [7/10]
• Diary of the Dead (2007) - Romero's later work isn't really my thing; none of the characters are likeable and I'm more excited about them getting eaten than surviving. [5/10]
• Don't Look in the Basement (1973) - The sound levels are abysmal and so is the lighting: a disorientating horror film for all the wrong reasons. [7/10]
• Eat and Run (1987) - This film is batshit, though I think it'd be even funnier high...or drunk...or both. [5/10]
• Eden Log (2007) - I really like this film but it always leaves me feeling bleak as hell. [8/10]
• Évolution (2015) - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BABY THING? [5/10]
• Excision (2012) - Thumbs up from the viewers with a blood fetish and a penchant for oddball protagonists. [8/10]
• Fear Clinic (2014) - Poorly edited: not even Robert Englund could save this one. [4/10]
• Feed (2005) - Interesting premise and social commentary but it lacks intelligence due to its poor execution; the protagonist is absolutely not a protagonist. [4/10]
• Flesh Eater (1988) - This film drags on for waaay too long. [5/10]
• Flesh for the Beast (2003) - Weirdest. rape scene. ever. [3/10]
• Freaks (1932) - It's better than Dracula. I said what I said. [8/10]
• Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) - Everyone hates it but I think the sixth Elm Street film is wacky and enjoyable as hell. [7/10]
• Funny Games (2007) - I have no idea why Haneke decided to just remake his own film shot-for-shot but it's still good, even with an actress as terrible as Naomi Watts in it. [7/10]
• From Within (2008) - Internalised homophobia killed him, the end. [6/10]

Next week: G to I

- K

The Quarantine Movie Marathon - Part 1

 [Editor's note: Hi all! I know it's been a hot minute since my last post *cough* four months *cough*, but what with moving house, finishing my degree and adjusting to a post-corona dystopia, it's been very hectic for me, as I'm sure it has been for all of you. I just wanted to say thank you for your patience and I hope to post more content soon!]

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

Humble beginnings

Unless you've been living underground (which at this point sounds more favourable), then you'll be fully aware that the world is currently in shambles. 2020 has undoubtedly been the worst year for everybody but that's not what we're going to talk about today, don't worry. 

See, when I was in lockdown, I was living alone in a tiny flat, surrounded by my one true love: my film collection. I found myself realising 'hey, this could be a great opportunity to watch all the films I never got round to watching after I bought them!'...which then diverged into 'hey, why don't I just watch all of them?' A crazy notion, really, when you consider I have nearly 400 films. But it's lockdown, there's nowhere to go and nobody to talk to, so is it really that far of a stretch to save me from boredom?

So, I did. I sat down and, in alphabetical order, I watched every single film I own. In 125 days. Basically, I was still continuing the list after lockdown had ended. And, knowing I hadn't produced content during lockdown, I wrote down my thoughts on every single film in a concise, one sentence summary: today, I'm going to share those thoughts with you, dear reader. Obviously I can't put all of them here, otherwise you'd be reading a novel, so I'm only sharing those that are considered horror films (if you'd like to see other genres, let me know). So if you ever wanted a quick-fire idea of any of these films, then this is the list to go to!

Battle Royale (2000)

0 to C

• 28 Days Later (2002) - The score of this film is phenomenal and we have to stan a WOC being one of the main protagonists and a survivor in a horror film. [8/10]
• 28 Weeks Later (2007) - 28 Days is confined horror, whereas 28 Weeks is mass hysteria and it works so well: also the opening scene is one of the most iconic, chaotic openers I've ever seen in a horror film. [8/10]
• Abel Ferrara's The Driller Killer (1979) - Typical 70s, b-movie smut that has some redeemable qualities in the third act: laughable dialogue, though. [5/10]
• A Bucket of Blood (1959) - Hilariously deluded with a fun concept: I'd love to see a remake of this. [8/10]
• Akira (1988) -  The animation, the characters, the attention to detail with the worldbuilding...*chef's kiss*. [8/10]
• All Cheerleaders Die (2013) - Cringe in places but entirely self-aware and fun: also any horror film with erotic, blood-thirsty women is my cup of tea. [7/10]
• Already Dead (2007) - Terrible dialogue, predictable plot with an almost redeeming ending. [6/10]
• American Mary (2012) -  A strong, unique horror that you can tell is directed and written by women because all of the female characters are likeable and feel real. [8/10]
• A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - The blood geyser scene: that's it. [9/10]
• A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) - I know this is considered to be the outlier of the Elm Street franchise but I think it really ups the ante in terms of creativity and the manifestation of fear; a horror that every baby-gay should see. [8/10]
• A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) - Arguably the coolest Freddy Krueger monsters of all seven films with a bangin' soundtrack. [8/10]
• A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988) - I like that they gave Freddy more agency in this film and made him more camp: there's no such thing as too much camp. [7/10]
• A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989) - The worst of the seven films: it tries too hard, which is disappointing to see. [5/10]
• Apollo 18 (2011) - Not as awful as I remember when I reviewed it last but I'm still giving it a low score. [5/10]
• A Quiet Place (2018) - Masterful use of sound; I definitely cried at Jim getting fucking GOT. [8/10]
• Battle Royale (2000) - The Japanese have certainly mastered the combination of absurd and horrifying with really fleshed-out characters. Hunger Games could never, bitch. [9/10]
• Bear (2010) -  The best scenes are where people are getting fucking mauled, just so you don't have to hear the atrocious dialogue anymore. [3/10]
• Bite (2015) - The storylines are entirely too predictable but the body horror is fun to watch and I will give credit where credit is due: the sfx are impressive. [7/10]
• Black Death (2010) - Nice plot twists but a really fucking bleak ending; Sean Bean dies again. [7/10]
• Black Swan (2010) -  Natalie's performance is so damn good and she deserved her Oscar for it; Aronofksy is one of my all-time faves, so I'm a bit biased here in saying it's a magnificent example of cinema. [9/10]
• Black Xmas (2006) - 'Meh' ending, more entertaining drunk with friends, I imagine. [6/10]
• Braindead (1992) - A guilty pleasure film because it's so fucking gross and funny, plus I challenge you to find a horror that's as inventive with its gore as Braindead is. [9/10]
• Candyman (1992) - The soft lighting, screams and orchestral soundtrack, accompanied with a dramatic soliloquy makes for a very out-of-body experience but in a good way;  a staple of horror cinema, though I hope the remake fixes the mistakes of the original. [8/10]
• Carnival of Souls (1962) - Creepy imagery and a good ending, though I found the soundtrack to be obnoxious at times. [7/10]
• Case 39 (2009) - Your average Hollywood cash-grab: something to stick on whilst you're hoovering. [4/10]
• Cassadaga (2011) - Creative serial killer but problematic plot-line: LGBTQ+ individuals should avoid this at all costs. [4/10]
• Cell (2016) - Stupid fucking movie that I hate with a passion; Y'ALL DID STEPHEN KING DIRTY. [2/10]
• Chernobyl Diaries (2012) - This could've been a good film, had it been written and executed better. [5/10]
• Creature from the Black Lake (1976) - The storyline and characters are pretty uninteresting and the reveal of the creature is less terrifying humanoid and more discount Bigfoot. [4/10]
• Creep (2014) - I fucking adore this movies because it's one of the first that unsettled me upon first viewing, which is a hard thing to do; Mark Duplass is a great actor. [8/10]
• Creepshow (1982) - The lovechild of King and Romero, segments reminiscent of Argento's cinematography and cameos from both King and Savini? If you haven't watched Creepshow, you aren't a real horror fan. Simple. [8/10]
• Cronos (1993) - I love Del Toro and everything he does: his films are gothic and disturbing and yet you can feel how lovingly they were written and made. [7/10]

Next week: D to F

- K